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 The messed up dream thread 
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* Spitelord
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Post The messed up dream thread
This thread is for coughing up your odd dreams as you have them. As usual, I reserve the right to prune the stuff I think is BS, or boot people for being stupid, so come correct if you're gonna post.


Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:35 am
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My phone was ringing off the hook last night before going to bed, so I unplugged my land line and put my cell on silent.

Of course, I dreamed that even though it was unplugged, my land line rang again. So I just picked it up an inch and hung it back up, which thankfully worked just as well in dream land as the waking.


Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:37 am
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I often have dreams that blondes insult me while I'm grocery shopping. One time in particular I ended up curbing a particularly vile bleach-job on the tylenol shelf. Then, when she rolled over, I kept kicking her in the tits until I heard her ribs breaking.


Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:47 am
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Man, I'm staying away from you in supermarkets.
You'd take one look at my head and go completely balooba.

I tend not to dream, but the last and most interesting dream I had was where my little cousin walked up to me while I was sitting at my kitchen table, drawing and asked me a question. I was so annoyed that he'd interrupted what I was doing that I grabbed his head and mashed it into the table intil I saw brain squishing around the place. It's the most vicious I have ever been in any dream.

Totally ruined what I was drawing too, which was a pity, as I was really getting somewhere with it


Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:58 am
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I have all kinds of dreams that always scare me more than they should.

One time I dreamt myself, Paul Merton, Ian Hislop and Stephen Fry (the comedy is totally lost for those of you unfamiliar with British quiz shows) were sat on the sofa bed I used to have in my room, chatting about this and that. I could see the sun rising from my window, but there was a huge tree sillouetted against it. Then my mum came in (in the dream) and I got that actual genuine fear feeling in my stomach and woke up.

There was another one with lots of green stuff and a ferret. It was funny, I remember, but I was also really scared.


Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:44 am
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I had a weird one last night.

I watched Lord of the Rings yesterday afternoon and then made the mistake of falling asleep in front of Nanny McPhee last night, so clearly I was not in a stable subconscious state.

I had several dreams about snooty old English women, and one that I was working in a bakery. A snooty old English woman and her younger, hotter friend were ordering some cookies. The old woman ordered a brownie, and she started getting really pissed off that I was getting the other girl's food first, even though they were ordering together. She kept saying, "May I please have my brownie now?" and I kept telling her I would get it in just a moment. Apparently I kept her waiting too long, because then she turned evil like Galadriel when Frodo offers her the ring, and she screamed in a big scary man voice, "May I please just have my fucking brownie?!" And I decided, as would be the obvious choice, to get her brownie that instant. Only, then the brownie tray had suddenly disappeared mysteriously. So she kicked my ass from here to China.


Thu Aug 17, 2006 1:48 pm
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I had a dream last night that my foot fell asleep during a job interview. The guy who was interviewing me offered to take me on a tour of the facilities, and I couldn't say no. My foot was all numb, so I was walking around like a cripple, but then the rest of my leg started to go numb too, and I couldn't move my leg anymore. So at this point, I'm following this guy around a warehouse on one foot and one knee, and everyone is looking at me. And then my other leg goes out too, so I'm basically just clawing at the concrete trying to keep up with this guy, who doesn't even seem to notice. I hate dreams where I can't move my legs.


Sun Aug 20, 2006 5:56 am
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I just dreamt I was at some lame beauty pageant for little girls. Everyone in the audience was sitting in a semi-circle around the room, on the floor.

When I plopped down, I knocked over some decoration--some kind of fabric attached to poorly-balanced posts, like they use to draw out the standing-line in a bank, only fancier. I tried setting it back up, but other posts fell down, which other audience members tried to set back up, causing more posts to fall down. Then I was like, "Fuck it. It was stupid looking, anyway," and left it for the other audience members to deal with as they saw fit.

Neo came and sat next to me on the floor. The music started, and the first act came out. It was a big, fat, grey-haired, old tard-woman with two wandering eyes! This wasn't a little-girl beauty pageant at all; it was a tard-pageant!

A wave of simultaneous confusion, horror and chagrin washed over the audience as Tardy McCrazyeyes--in her sporty grey Walmart sweatsuit--started lumbering around the audience, looking for all the other tards. She found one, made him stand up, and they started dancing their best sexy-tard-dance together. It was like watching a couple of bags of slightly rotten potatoes booty dancing one another. She shook/lurched her tardy-booty over to the next genetic-oopsy-daisy--a hypercephalic--and started dancing with him.

I glanced over at Neo, who looked like he was somewhere in between laughing his ass off and clawing out his own eyes. He shouted, "I wish I was not here!" as The Dancin' Tard made her way over to a fat-tongued Corky-lookalike and started grinding his crotch with her voluminous mass of trisomic ass-meats. I let out a very loud, very rude, "HAH!" in response to Neo's comment. It was too much horror to watch, so I looked at the floor, and waited for it to end.


Sun Aug 20, 2006 11:55 am
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I dreamt I was on some kind of outing with people from my Secondary School, and my mum, for some reason.

My mum, my best friend and I were involved in some kind of dangerous competition with the drummer from Sum 41 (I had the biggest crush on him) and the creep who had a crush on me in school but then we had to sleep, so we went into the hostel with everybody else who were running around in their underwear being chased by nuns, who were also in their underwear.

Cut to the next day where we go on a visit to the local town, and are greeted by the crazy mother from Bubble Boy, who is adamant that the girl with all the cool tattoos calling her Mom isn't in fact her daughter, and that this was a respectable town with no tattoo parlours at all.

Then there was a fat german guy in explorer's gear taking us on a hunt for the famous Highly Sexed Wild Boar (surely you've heard of it). This involved the huge group of us walking through masses of neck high grass, jumping on the thing's back (it was huge) and being dragged through some forest.

Then we had to run because the local doctor was giving out free tattoos for a limited time only. I kept asking everybody if they liked the design I'd drawn but they just kept crying.
My best friend and I walk into the surgery and he's dragging a girl out kicking and screaming because she cried "We won't do it if it hurts miss."
Then the guy who served me when I bought my DS Lite the other day was the tattoo artist and said "I have used a computer before you know"

Then I woke up.


Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:59 am
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I dreamt that I contracted a disease which enabled prehistoric insects (and a few dinosaurs) to be ressurrected and then attracted so much to the smell of my blood that they would do almost anything to get to me. And whenever a dinosaur was near, a little cardboard growth would appear on my arm surrounded by tin foil. The psychiatrist from What About Bob was my doctor, and in his close studies he, too, contracted this disease. He got the cardboard/metal growth too.

There is a part where I am standing in the doorway to my bedroom, where a beetle the size of my head, a bright red dragonfly eight inches long which was flying vertically, and a baby brontosaurus are all crowded just outside my window, looking very threatening. I look down to see the cardboard growth raising my flesh. I run to the living room to get the doctor. He's in the can. I return to my bedroom, glad to find all of them gone. I notice the window is open a bit, but before I can close it the bright red dragonfly comes inside and comes after me.

The End.


Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:14 am
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I tend to remember very few of my dreams. One of the dreams that I do remember is from when i was six or seven and the second or third season of "Power Rangers" was starting, the one with the kid as a blue ranger. I dreamt that i was the blue ranger, and I was fighting a demon pig. I ducked behind a Jeep that was conveniently placed next to me, and then the other power rangers jumped down and we all shot the pig.

A second dream i kind of remember involved me traversing throughout a variety of different places, such as a jungle and a water world, but alas, I remember very little else of that dream.

The third dream that i can ever recall having involved being trapped in a weird place where everything was a sepia tone, such as in an old western movie. I spent the majority of that dream running from this mysterious demon that was chasing me.

The fourth, and most recent dream I remember, occurred no more than a few weeks back. I was trapped on a deserted island with my dad and about four other people. We were all walking around, most of us going in separate directions, and suddenly somebody got shot. A serial killer that seemed to be taken right out of a generic scary movie had arrived on the island. He started murdering everyone, and me, being the coward I was in this dream, teamed up with him in order to save my own life. In the end, he killed my father, and then I killed him in rage. Then the dream shifted. I was home, with my mom, and we were talking about what was going to happen now that my dad was gone. I don't remember much of the conversation, but i remember after a few minutes of talking, I awoke in relief.

Well, that's all the dream action I can ever recall having.


Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:27 am
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I drowned my aunt in a dream last night.
She got my red-riding hood cloak wet in a river, so I drowned her.


Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:31 am
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I fucking love that rabbit.


Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:32 am
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I'm still not cuter than Munky, though.
He wins all the 'aaaaaw' competitions.


Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:42 am
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He sure does.

I dreamed about a faceless cat made of rotten meat. It kept showing up wherever I went, and in the end I was looking for it, kind of like a nauseating 'Where's Waldo?' I'd find it by sniffing for it, and I'd always find it under a piece of furniture. That really worried me, because I didn't want it touching the furniture. For obvious reasons.


Wed Aug 30, 2006 11:41 am
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I can't remember any of the dreams I've had in the last three months. It might be a side effect of Wellbutrin.


Sun Sep 03, 2006 5:45 am
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